On the Language of Parenting
Sacha has some wonderful reflections on how she wants to speak to her child, building on the notion that “the way we talk to our children becomes their inner voice.” As I think about my experience as a child of my father and also about my experience as a father of a (now 30-year-old) child, I would say that there’s both truth and wisdom in that notion. Sacha’s account of how she speaks to her child is wonderful, and it’s great to see how she invites the child to suggest other affirmations that she (the parent) might say to her (the child). Such communication is key, I think, to healthy relationships that engender flourishing.
And it’s also inspiring to see that her child is beginning to respond in kind. “Yesterday at dinner, she told me, ‘You’re awesome!’ in the same way that I often tell her.” Awesome, indeed.
And it brought back one of my own parenting memories. I think our son must have been in 3rd or 4th grade. I was helping him with his arithmetic homework, trying hard to coach him without giving him the solution to a particular problem. He was extremely frustrated, thinking that he simply couldn’t understand the basic concept. We struggled for a few minutes, and finally, something that I said clicked for him. He understood the concept, and could readily apply it as he worked on other problems.
The next day, he and I were going somewhere in the car. “Dad,” he said from the back seat, “what you said yesterday was brilliant!” I couldn’t remember exactly what I said. “What was that, C?” “Dad,” he said rather pedantically, “if you’re going to say brilliant things, you really should remember what they are.”